21: Care Enough to Confront

How are you at confronting people? ?Me? ?Not so good. ?I am the world’s greatest conflict avoider. ?But I have learned that in leadership we have to do it. ?Leadership is not a popularity contest!!!! ? There are right ways and wrong ways to confront. ?This guy could use a few tips?.
Welcome to this new podcast and blog about confrontation.

What we cover in this podcast:

  1. Definition: What do I mean when I say “confront”
  2. Why do leaders need to confront?
  3. What are situations that require confrontation?
  4. Why do we naturally resist confrontation?
  5. What happens when we ignore the need to confront?
  6. Practical tips on how to confront
Alex worked for me for several years.??I thought he was the perfect hire.??But things started to go south when I would be away on ministry trips and he was left in change back at the ranch.??Tell the story of having to confront Alex?. Toxic behavior as he treated fellow employees with demeaning disrespect.??He was one of those black and white people that either liked people or didn’t.??If you were in his circle of trust, all was well.??But most people were outside of his circle which indeed was very small? like he was in his thinking.

Why do we naturally resist confrontation?

We have to be willing to enter the danger zone!
So why don’t we confront???Some people like Donald Trump seem to thrive on it.??As did King Solomon in the book of 1 Kings as he established his throne and leadership.??But I find that most people in ministry are conflict avoiders.
  • We think the problem will go away
  • We are in denial about the real seriousness of the problem
  • Who wants to poke a bee hive with a broomstick?
  • We think we should play nice in our Christian sandbox
  • We don’t want things blowing up in our faces
  • We want to avoid conflict between colleagues
  • Uncomfortable
  • Discomfort
  • Afraid of spillage
  • Want people to like us
  • What to keep the peace instead of making peace

Practical tips on how to confront with dignity:




  • The poison of the tongue was obviously a problem even in the early church, as we read in James 3:7?10:
  • ?All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God?s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.?
  • Here is a great teaching from Jesus on confrontation.??If you study his ministry habits, he had no fear of calling a spade a spade.??Jesus instructed us in Matthew 18:15?16,
  • ?If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him?work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you?ve made a friend. If he won?t listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again? (MSG).
  • And finally one more great piece of advice from Paul in his warning in Ephesians 4:31,32:
  • Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other. (TNIV)


Stump me! ?Please try. ?Write me your tough leadership questions!!! ?I have an upcoming podcast just devoted to your tough questions!
Book I recommend for this podcast: ??The Five Dysfunctions of a Team?, by Patrick Lencioni.
If you enjoy my podcasts, can you tweet it to your clan? ? Go to hansfinzel.com/loveit
A question about the content to send?me: ?WHAT WAS A SITUATION THAT YOU AVOIDED THAT BLEW UP IN YOUR FACE?

0 Responses

  1. In what circumstances is a restoration process needed when a leader sins, and what circumstances wold lead to simply; “go and sin no more” forgiveness. What is the appropriate level of sharing the details of a particular sin with a congregation or ministry team.

    Another question relating to this general topic:
    What does a leader do when a person confesses child molestation?
    Looking for Principles and action steps – How do they relate to parents, children etc..

    1. Thanks for your tough questions Eric. I think the restoration process has a lot to do with the kind of sin. I am all for grace, if there is true repentance and a true action plan for restoration. I don’t think it is enough just to blow it off and sin no more. In terms of how much to share, that is also something that has to be done carefully depending on what the offense was and who is involved. I heard a recent case of a woman who worked for the church and stole a lot of money from the offering over years. It was made public with her consent in front of the church and restoration is in process. All the parties should agree on this process before it should go public.
      The last thing you mention about children would be across a line that would call for much more sever investigation and discipline.

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